Children Corner

The time of death can be mystifying and troubling to a young person. We at M.B. Kilmer Funeral Home, help children understand the processes of dying, death and bereavement and how it affects their lives. Our children's program offers interactive discussions of what happens when a person dies, what the children will see, and examination of the caskets help children deal with the situation in an honest and caring setting before seeing their grandparent or other loved one. We encourage children to be part of the funeral by putting pictures, letters or other meaningful items in the casket. Young people may also act as honorary pallbearers during the service.

Should the Children Know?

Learning to accept death is a natural experience in life which, must not be ignored. Talking about death is necessary. It is a vital part of every child's development.

How Should I Explain Death?

Death is a subject most of us do not like to talk about but eventually we all have to face it. At M.B. Kilmer Funeral Home, we would like to help prepare your family before the need arises. We have designed a program to meet the needs of your family, in respect to the ages of your children, your faith issues and cultural beliefs.

When & How Do We Participate?

Individual appointments will be made for your family or group at a time that is mutually convenient to your family and ours. The program is best conducted at M.B. Kilmer Funeral Home this gives the children more of a hands on approach to learning. The intention of the program is to give a better understanding, and remove the mystery around what happens when a person dies. Depending on the ages of your children, and the size of your family or group, we would like you to allow us 60 minutes for discussion, tour, and questions.

What Ages Should Attend?

If the child is old enough to walk let him/her walk with you into the funeral home, if not carry them in with you.

Caring for a Surviving Child

As in all situations, honesty is the best way to deal with children. Talk to the child in a language that they can understand. Remember to listen to the child and try to understand what the child is saying and just as importantly, what they are not saying. Children need to feel that the death is an open subject and that they can express their thoughts or questions as they arise. Below are just a few ways adults can help children face the death of someone close to them.

The child's first concern may be "Who is going to take care of me now?"


The child will not know appropriate behavior for the situation.


The child may fear that they also may die, or that they somehow caused the death.


The child may wish to be a part of the family rituals.


The child may show regressive behavior.


Adults can help prepare a child deal with future losses of those who are significant by helping the child handle smaller losses through sharing their feelings when a pet dies or when death is discussed in a story or on television.

In helping children understand and cope with death, remember four key concepts: Be Loving, Be Accepting, Be Truthful and Be Consistent.

Explanations That May Not Help

Outlined below are explanations that adults may give to a child to explain why the person they loved has died. Unfortunately, simple but dishonest answers can only serve to increase the fear and uncertainty that the child is feeling. Children tend to be very literal — if an adult says that "Grandpa/Grandma died because they were old and tired," the child may wonder when they too will be too old and they certainly get tired. How tired is tired enough to die?


How to Help a Child Deal with Loss


Where Do Children Fit In?

Many parents never stop to think about what they will do with the children when a loved one dies. Probably most wonder who they will get to baby-sit the children while they attend the funeral. Excluding children from the funeral will delay their grieving and hinder their ability to deal with death and loss later in life. Here are some practical ideas that have worked well.

Guidelines for Helping Grieving Children